I saw you in a corner. I thought you were fine sitting there because you said you were. It’s dark there, I said but you didn’t look back. I tried to come near you but I felt like you want me to back off. So I did. And I just looked at you from afar.
I saw little tears coming from your eyes. I saw them gleaming from where I was. There was pain, it hurts to even look. I wanted to say, “you’ll be fine, you’ll be fine”, but you’re too far to hear my weak voice.
I walked, I couldn’t help it. I walked, I walked to where you were. I sat beside you. You were hiding your face. But your crying became louder that it broke my heart.
I wanted to say that everything will be fine. But my tears stopped me. My voice became weaker than it was before. I’m afraid I would cry so hard beside you. And you would be the one who will comfort me instead of me doing it.
I wanted to say how much I love it when you smile and how my heart breaks when you cry. I wanted to tell you a million times that soon it will all be fine to make you believe that it will.
But my tears kept on flooding from my eyes. I wished for it to stop before you could notice. And so I stood up, gathered all the courage left of me. Then I held your hand, and you were looking at me with disbelieving eyes. I said, “it’s fine, we’ll continue walking… you promised me, you will never give up, if you want to, I will carry you through. Just don’t give up, okay?”
And so we went on.
A couple of weeks ago, I read someone here in tumblr who also suffered from panic attacks and depression. I know just the feeling. I also went through that, everyday I felt like giving up. But God is faithful and His love is unfathomable. I struggled, but I trusted Him. God fought for me and it was a really hard battle but God won. And His victory and joy became my strength. And its been months since my last panic attack. And surely, that would be the last. To God be all the glory.
”For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.”
2 Timothy 4:3-4
The values of this world can easily influence us, tempting us to despise “sound doctrine” and accept what is false. So we need to know and proclaim God’s Word, persevere through hardships, and keep the faith.
—Albert Lee, ODB
After all this trials and testings, I know I will be victorious through Christ Jesus! And I am going to cry with a lot of joy in my heart. I don’t know why, I don’t understand why God is letting this things happen to me but I will keep on trusting Him. I have soooo many questions, but I will simply trust. To God be all the glory!
Now I am experiencing how the Devil hates me. He is doing all he can to steal my faith, to destroy me. But it won’t bring me down at the very least, my foundation is God, my rock, my refuge. I shall not fear evil for God is for me. I know God will use this situation for my good, even if Satan and other people meant it for bad. I will keep my faith and trust the Lord, my God to protect me. I know God is able, nothing is too hard for Him and definitely, nothing is impossible for Him. I am a Christian but it doesn’t mean I am holy and perfect; I am not, but my God is. I know we can tough this thing out, Jesus and I. I know He will never leave me in this really tough situation. I can take every insult, every painful words for I am learning in every hardships that I face. Yes, I have been a sinner since birth but that doesn’t stop me from following the Lord. I do not deny being a hypocrite, lustful, and everything else you could say, but I am trying my very best to turn away from all those sins. God, exposed it all so I could see. Not to condemn me, because there is no condemnation in Christ, but to help me, to help me learn from it, to turn away from all of it, for my own good. I repented and asked for His forgiveness.
You bless them by saying,
“You told me your sins,
without trying to hide them,
and now I forgive you.” (Psalm 32:2)
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. -Romans 12:21
Pray when you are being persecuted, even if all the whole world is against you, God will always be at your side.
When you are tempted to sin, don’t take God’s goodness for granted by telling yourself, “God will forgive this, its only a little sin, He doesn’t mind it”. Remember, God doesn’t love sins and that will never change.
For once, Jesus took all your sin, guilt and death at the cross. “It wasn’t easy but it was worth it.”
If people think you’re fake because you treat everyone just the same, don’t mind it, the Lord commanded to love your friends AND your enemies. If people say different insults against you, don’t mind it, remember that at some point in their lives, they’ve experienced the same and they want you too. If someone really hates you, love them back, the Lord knows how to reward those who diligently follow His commandments. Though its hard to love your enemies, just remember what Christ has done for you. You were His enemies before the crucifixion, but He loves you that much to die for you at the Cross. Jesus took all the insults, all the pain FOR YOU. He loves that much! Jesus Christ loves that much.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort. (2 Corinthians 1:3)
Oh, how He loves!
God bless you, dear.
I just don’t want to think too much.