Sometimes, I also get mad.
Sometimes, I also get mad.
These are the time when I just want to cry. I didn’t know that this longing within me, only God can satisfy. I tried to find it with someone else’s company. But I can’t, there is still deep longing. And it really breaks my heart that every time I try to find happiness with people and things, I also break God’s heart. I wish I could turn back time and make things right but I just can’t do that.
If crying would ease the pain just a little bit, then I’ll cry. I just want to cry to God. Its really painful, please get me through this, my Lord. I know You are with me here. My heart sings out to You. Praise be to You, my Lord.
A couple of weeks ago, I read someone here in tumblr who also suffered from panic attacks and depression. I know just the feeling. I also went through that, everyday I felt like giving up. But God is faithful and His love is unfathomable. I struggled, but I trusted Him. God fought for me and it was a really hard battle but God won. And His victory and joy became my strength. And its been months since my last panic attack. And surely, that would be the last. To God be all the glory.
Honestly, I felt really bad today. I kept asking why. Why is it so hard? I actually knew the answer but, still, it really feels so bad. I just want to say it. Just to make things a little light. Yeah, I shouldn’t be like this. All will be well. I just feel bad about myself. Yes, I’m not perfect. You see, I go through times like this when I really want to cry and give all my burdens to God. Just want to say it.
Now I am experiencing how the Devil hates me. He is doing all he can to steal my faith, to destroy me. But it won’t bring me down at the very least, my foundation is God, my rock, my refuge. I shall not fear evil for God is for me. I know God will use this situation for my good, even if Satan and other people meant it for bad. I will keep my faith and trust the Lord, my God to protect me. I know God is able, nothing is too hard for Him and definitely, nothing is impossible for Him. I am a Christian but it doesn’t mean I am holy and perfect; I am not, but my God is. I know we can tough this thing out, Jesus and I. I know He will never leave me in this really tough situation. I can take every insult, every painful words for I am learning in every hardships that I face. Yes, I have been a sinner since birth but that doesn’t stop me from following the Lord. I do not deny being a hypocrite, lustful, and everything else you could say, but I am trying my very best to turn away from all those sins. God, exposed it all so I could see. Not to condemn me, because there is no condemnation in Christ, but to help me, to help me learn from it, to turn away from all of it, for my own good. I repented and asked for His forgiveness.
You bless them by saying,
“You told me your sins,
without trying to hide them,
and now I forgive you.” (Psalm 32:2)
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. -Romans 12:21
Pray when you are being persecuted, even if all the whole world is against you, God will always be at your side.
When you are tempted to sin, don’t take God’s goodness for granted by telling yourself, “God will forgive this, its only a little sin, He doesn’t mind it”. Remember, God doesn’t love sins and that will never change.
For once, Jesus took all your sin, guilt and death at the cross. “It wasn’t easy but it was worth it.”
I just don’t want to think too much.
I should be strong and brave but I still find myself chained at my weaknesses. I easily get affected by the people around me, especially those who are close to my heart. I always see myself as undeserving of anybody’s love, particularly of God’s love. I always end up failing Him, and that hurts most of all. I don’t want to fail God but here I am, failing Him again.
I feel His love so strong that it makes me feel so sorry. It is indeed painful for me and certainly for Him. But I will still praise Him. For when I am weak, then I am strong. God is enough for me.
I want to scream. I want to break free from myself. I want to shout to the Lord that I love Him. I want to cry out! I am ruined but I will trust God. I AM WEAK BUT MY GOD IS STRONG!
10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter. (2 Corinthians 7:10-11)
I really don’t want to be my weak self anymore. I am really sorry, oh God. I am discouraged but I will still say, “Thank you, Jesus!”.
PRAISE GOD in all circumstances.
I just want to share this so that if any of you might be experiencing the same, will find his/herself not alone in the struggle. We are never alone. God is with us, even when we don’t really deserve it, we are loved by our heavenly Father.